"Paying for choosing the Wrong One!"

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of your age, size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. We have a person who refuses to overlook the pain she endured and willing to tell True Conversations! her story. She desires everyone who has been physically abused to gain help regardless of your age or your gender. She also hope there are more laws to protect victims! Please leave a comment if you can relate to this story or forward it to anyone you know who need to read this story to help push them to get help. We no longer want others to become hurt by someone else hands….

Please read the story of Jean Martinez

“Well my story starts back in 2004. It was during the summer time and I had a friend or cousin of one of my ex’s. She invited me over because there was someone she wanted me to meet. I was single during that time, looking for someone to date, and thought what the heck can it hurt (little did I know). I went over my friend’s house and met my soon to be ex, we will call him Phil because I don’t want him to sue me by using his real name.

I must say he came off as a very nice man. We had a wonderful day and our relationship lasted for years. Not all those years were good. There were days he decided to slap me around our home and blamed me for cheating on him. He would say that he knew that the only way I got ahead in any of my jobs was that I was on my knees.

However this did not cause me to leave him and I stayed with him for about 6 years and each year became worst. There were so many times I would sit there while he was gone and think about leaving him and never returning. He would come home and say nice things every time and I would believe him. Or should I say I wanted to believe him because I loved him more than I loved anyone. I know you’re thinking “How with all this going on?” Because when things were good they were really good.

We have so many good time and memories that we share, but when they were bad they were really bad. I’ve left him many times to stay with my family and even ended up in Alabama. I found myself at a place called Vera House (http://www.verahouse.org/), a place that women can run to in order to gain help. He would locate me and talked me into coming back by promising me he would never do it again. He claimed things were going to get better and it would be different next time. I would believe him every time until one day I knew he was not telling the truth. What made it so different this time because he threaten to kill me! He told me that I was not going to be there when the cops got there. He kept me up all night, telling me what a whore I was and how it was my entire fault for the way I was treating him.

I thought he would be happy by me going to work every morning at 4am, coming home to clean/cook, and take care of whatever was needed. So when he came home all he would need to do was eat his dinner and relax, but I was wrong, this did not happened most of the time or he was not happy. So the last time I left him I went to family and they took me in. I lived with with my uncle for almost 2 years. I have an order of protection on him which he has broke 3 times and yet to go to court for this. This is our court system, YES I get a new one, but there has not been anything done to him about this.

Today, I feel that even after leaving him I am still paying for it. I lack a job, I don’t own a home, and have to rely on others to take care of me. Although, while he has our home, his job, and our car. Plus all the friends that were there before me. It’s sad to say I have no friends or when I was with him the only friend I could have were his and we do not live in the same state.

I have had surgery on my shoulder due to what he did the last night he beat me.  My life is far from perfect or I feel he is still kicking my butt everyday! I feel I cannot do a thing about this but take it. Now after this order of protection is over what am I going to do or go? I cannot stay here because he knows where I am. Plus understand life is never the same after you have gone through this in your life. You find yourself not being able to trust another person or another man. I have never gone through this before! To be honest, I was the one before this happened to me saying to others of what many have said to me “Why don't you just leave? You don't have to put up with this! You can leave!” My answer to anyone with these questions “Unless you have been there you don't know and there still is no explanation why we stay other than love crazy.” Yes I have lost so much from this mentally and physically; I’m still not the same after surgery on my shoulder.

This is my story! I do need someone to talk to and someone that will listen who have also been through this or understand my feelings. I believe people who have been through this need to stick together. We may find ourselves going to shrinks, but most of them have no idea or understand what we are feeling.  Reading about it is different then tasting the pain of it. I learned at the Vera House this also happens to men just as much as women, but we come forward. Hopefully more men will also come forward after reading my story. All of us need to know we are not alone and there is help out there."

Places to gain Help:

• In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
• UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
• Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010
• Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526
• Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

Help for Men:

• In the US, The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women specializes in supporting male victims of abuse and offers a 24-hour helpline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754)

• UK: ManKind Initiative offers a national helpline at 01823 334244.

 
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